You are not an artist. You are alive.

Art is excreted from you like fingernails, and must be lopped off regularly in order to maintain the illusion of polite society

The nice thing about a workout routine is days when you do fuck all are called "rest days"

6 pm Mon, Mar 24 2025

Prove you're a human:

put a lil' stank on it

there were some early years that were all about insisting people kickflip

9 pm Mon, Jan 27 2025

35 more years of rotating mattresses

10 pm Wed, Jan 15 2025

You can't dance a rock floor

6 am Sun, Jan 5 2025

Turning the clocks back is the best kind of holiday, and I think it's an underrepresented one

You know what? Let's do Sunday again this week

The Secret Service is like, easily the least secret one

5 pm Tue, Oct 1 2024

I'm a beer coozy guy now

6 pm Thu, Jul 25 2024

You can tell a lot about a person by what they think you can tell a lot about a person by

7 pm Sat, May 4 2024